Dear Self,
How are you today? No... really be honest! I know you tend to say fine and smile and even when it's just ok... you accept that as good. It's ok to not be ok... and it's even ok to want something more than ok.
I hope that whenever you come to read this letter in the weeks, months, or years that have passed, you have grown. Look back as you read and give yourself a pat on the back for the steps you've taken down this path of life God has blessed you with. And don't you dare look back and think you haven't come that far... even baby steps are worthy of thanks and praise. I know you have a tendency to feel like you're at a standstill and everyone else is passing you by, but please do not be discouraged. Time may not be on your side... but God is.
You may stumble and fall flat on your face a lot... trust me, I know... but there is beauty in the breakdown and the failures that you face. Humility looks good on everyone! Stop trying to run when you just need to walk. It's ok to take a break. Bask in the glory of what God has blessed you with. Stop being jealous of what others have that you may long for. All of that is fleeting. You have MORE than enough.
Love yourself! Let me repeat that... LOVE YOURSELF! You are beautifully made and God has gifted you with some major talents. Don't feel inadequate. If you keep thinking you have to meet an ideal... STOP!!!! It's never going to happen. Stop limiting yourself by expectations or plans. Just do your own thing and make sure you consult the man upstairs because His will is perfect and He longs to give you the desires of your heart. No, you will never be blonde, tall, or have perfectly curly hair and blue eyes... but out of the box design is so much better! And that's what you are. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, and my goodness... He thinks you're breath-taking because he designed you... every scar, every mark, every flaw... everything that makes you who you are. Typical has never been your style so appreciate it and continue to march to the beat of your own drum... because after all, it's a pretty sick beat!
Don't be scared to let some walls break down. And stop saying things are overrated. You limit yourself... and my dear, you can't let these things stand in the way. Allow yourself to love and be loved. But wear your heart where God put it. Be mindful of who gets to see it. And when things get rough or you are afraid of getting hurt... don't run. Be brave. Be bold. Be scrappy if need be! There's a lot to learn and if you always run and make people pay for others' past mistakes, you'll miss out on some good things. Even bad things can turn into good things. You know this and you've been there before. So I really hope you're taking chances but you're constantly asking God for wisdom as you attempt to be decisive.
I hope you have enjoyed your time being young, single, and free. Have you made the most of it? Do the things you always wanted to do! Be crazy... but responsible crazy! Serve others... love on them... be on your knees in prayer for them! Make amends with people that you need to forgive or ask forgiveness from. I pray that you have constantly told your family how much you love them. Show them that love... even when it's hard... even when you get caught up in your own life... they have and will always be your home. How did God use this time of your life? Are you in constant pursuit of becoming a woman of God? Do not neglect any of these things! This is YOUR TIME! I hope you have used it wisely.
And please... understand your worth. Do not settle and do not compromise. I know that you have a desire to fall in love one day, but until that day comes, be patient. Be the woman that deserves the man you dream of. Keep your standards in tact and don't feel like you need to compete with other girls or even more so with the world's standards. I hope you have been on your knees for this mystery man. Ask God to keep him strong and to bless his life. Pray that he is treating women right and that they in return show him respect. Even though you may not know him, love him. Prepare your heart for him and if that means being alone and having some nights where you cry and wonder if God's plan may lead to you being an old maid... accept it! It's ok, God time is good and He will dry your tears. And if His plan doesn't look like what you pictured, it will be ok. He will always be enough and He isn't punishing you or testing you, He is letting his most perfect plan unfold and again, He wants to give you the desires of your heart. But just remember those desires can and will change the more you grow in His love. Trust Him. Know Him. Love Him.
Stop wishing for the past or longing for the future. You can't live in either. Live right now! Make the most of every single day! I hope when you talk to God at night, He smiles and laughs at the conversations y'all have. Remember, God has a great sense of humor. Make him laugh with how much you love life!
Always and Forever,
KP
PS... Take some time for yourself too. It's ok to say no. Bake, create, be artsy fartsy... You need it! And always find time to cuddle with Buddy. His loyalty is like no other. But I didn't even need to remind you of that. And maybe you should go run every now and then... your heart and body will appreciate it!
