The 20's

Ok... I've been out of school for a year and the real world is definitely not what I thought it was all cracked up to be. Last year at this time I was freaking out about graduation and what I really wanted to do with my life. Well... I assumed that everything would fall into place, and from the looks of it, it all did. Yeah, things fell into place, but not really the places I wanted things to fall.

My boss told me yesterday that your 20's are when you have the time of your life, but it's the time when you have to make some of the most difficult decisions that ultimately determine the years to come. So what??? Am I really responsible enough to do this? What if I'm wrong, what if I make a mistake, what if I'm thinking waaay too much about all this and I overanalyze to the point of second guessing myself? Exactly!!!! So how do you know if you're right or wrong? Well, it basically comes down to looking inside yourself and asking what is truly important.

I'm a very logical and rational person, but sometimes that's just not sensible. I can over-think things and worry so much that I forget to follow my heart. I've done the logical thing in the past because I was scared of listening to my heart. I walked... no, I ran from what my heart really wanted because I was terrified. Actually, it turned out to be the most illogical thing I've ever done in my life. My head told me it would be too hard and too scary, so my heart broke and I broke someone else's heart too. I let my pride and my fears get the best of me.

And now... I've spent the past 4 months trying to figure out what it is that I truly want and need in life. It comes down to 3 thing: 1. Family, 2. Career, 3. Love. I can pretty much have a career anywhere with what I do. I'm not bound to anyplace, so as long as I continue to work hard, I can pretty much be successful wherever when it comes to my career. Family... well my family is all in one place. I love them with all my heart and I know they will always be my support system. And that means it doesn't matter where I go or what I do, they will always be there for me. And then there is love. This is the hardest one of all and I've realized it's by far the most important. I have had the career and I am with my family, but I've lived without the love part for awhile and it's been kinda difficult. So it all comes down to the fact that I cannot live without love.

Love is a huge risk! It's all about taking chances. I'm not very good at taking chances. I'm not very good at expressing how I feel either. I get tongue-tied and I get scared. But I know this... the heart wants what it wants and if you don't at least try and take a chance, it makes it 1,000 times harder to ever move forward. I rather fall on my face by taking a chance and opening my heart than just keeping all my feelings locked inside because I'm terrified of the risk or the rejection. I've learned that love doesn't come around every day. Love just isn't a feeling, it's more than that. It's everything.