Donald Miller by far is one of my favorite authors. If you haven't heard of him, he wrote Blue Like Jazz. He has this quirky, dry sense of humor that really gets to you. I love it! He's just real. He's not this feel good, self-help Christian author.
Anyways...
He's so right. We get one story. One story alone. My views on God have changed a little. God is there and knows all, but I don't think He controls every step I make. I have free will, therefore I get to make my own decisions. As humans, we're not God's little pawns and we just act out what He wants of us. If that were the case, then would there be suicide, abortion, war, poverty... etc? I highly doubt, no, I know God doesn't want any of that for us, so why would He ever plan that for us? He has given us this story where He allows us to venture out, live, learn, love, hurt, grow, make mistakes, and come to Him on our own terms. God does not force us to do anything.
Right now, I would say my story isn't quite exciting... I could say boring, but it's not too boring because I've had a lot of soap opera moments this year. More like it just hasn't gone like I expected or hoped for. I ask God every day is this really it? God and I have this relationship right now where I just duke it out with Him all the time! It may sound bad to some, but this is how I engage and experience God. It's real and it's not cookie cutter or picture perfect... it's actually really hard.
We all come out of college wanting to make something of ourselves, and then we get out there and learn it's not easy. Life will get you down. You question yourself and wonder who you really are. Sometimes I feel like I'm swimming in this huge ocean and I battle the tide... and instead of making progress... it's more like I'm just stuck treading water... or drowning sometimes (just depends what I've been thrown at the moment). And then the fear kicks in and I just want to give up and beg for a floaty because that would make it so much easier. Well who really wants to float through life? That's boring. So now I have to tell myself constantly, "STOP PLAYING IT SAFE! GET OUT! LEAVE! EXPERIENCE SOMETHING!"
Life is about changing. Change is inevitable... and it's not always easy or pretty. You have to grow up! You can only deny it for so long, but eventually it all catches up to you and life isn't all about partying and living it up with your friends. Yes, there is always a time and place for that, but eventually your story becomes about making hard decisions and asking yourself what you really want in this life. So what is the setting? Who are the characters and what are their roles? And of course you want to be the protagonist of your own story, but sometimes I know I feel like the antagonist just because I can be my own worst enemy. God takes you to certain places, throws some unexpected things at you, and brings particular people into your life for a reason, but it's up to you to decide what you do with what He has handed to you. You can't just wait around on your butt saying, "Ok God... make my story great!" You have to get up and make good use of that free will He gave you because He knows you have potential for an amazing story.
So here's to making a great story, one full of change, heartache, disappointment, laughter, tears, success, and failure. And there will be times when you have to go back and edit your story... but in a way where you put your pride aside and make amends where they are needed. Be careful what bridges your burn or who you hurt along the way, because regret is not something you want to feel. I rather be the one hurt than ever hurt another and not make it right because heartache eventually fades, but regret will stay with you forever and sometimes you don't get a second chance to apologize. You don't want to write someone out of your story and then later go back and realize you made a huge mistake.
As scared as I may be, I'm ready to make my story good, one worth telling. And it would be nice for my story to be a part of someone else's story because I know mine isn't just about me, but it's also about the people who have touched my heart and changed my life. This growing up and being an adult is scary! I've only had a year of it, but it's been one heck of a year! But you know what, I fully embrace all that comes my way. Even the heartache, I take it. Within me lies so much more, so I will not let fear, past hurts, or insecurities stand in my way. There is a beauty in finding yourself, losing yourself, and truly being refined.
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